you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
