i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
