i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
