i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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