finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
