either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm like, not good at living.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize