I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
