i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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