definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
