Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
