One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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