Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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