if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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