another moral hangover. fuck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
