what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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