you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
