I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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