Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
