I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
