How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
