Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
