My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
