I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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