best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
