You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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