I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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