I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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