ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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