Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm always down for nudity.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
