If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
this hospital has no fireball
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
