I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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