That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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