I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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