Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
