Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
