Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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