and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
