there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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