I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
