I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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