Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
