Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
