Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
