Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
