He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
