I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's rum buckets o'clock
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize