forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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