"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How does one acquire holy water?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
