We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
