he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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