the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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