i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
