Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
