i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
