your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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