nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize