Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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