the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
