I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
