yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
