The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize