my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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