when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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