Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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