Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
